Saturday, February 12, 2005

I dislike something

What i thought might have been something ended up being nothing, which is a relief. I don't like things that might be something. Something is undefined, and never what you think it is and often something is nothing at all. And you worry and you over-analyse and you freak out over nothing. Thats the bitch about something. As soon as it's witnessed it changes and becomes something else entirely and you feel like a fool. Never talk about something that might be nothing at all, because its usually nothing. In fact, its nothing that usually ends up being something. What you disregard and ingnore, deny and pass aside is what festers and pollinate tension. NOTHING EXISTS, but something seldom does.

Friday, February 11, 2005

Writers Block


i hate repression

Wednesday, February 09, 2005


Things are finally moving along, much to the distruction of any relationship I might have had with my mother. Of course i have a new kick ass stove and couch, things are looking a little bare on the walls, but its just a canvass and Katie and I are the artists. I believe our apartment will be lickened to sisteine chapel when we're done in the living room. A touch of post modernism in the bathroom. We're going very minimalist in the kitchen, kinda chinese in its decore to capture the essence of a reserved respectable non-materialistic lifestyle, yet military in its execution and communist at its core.

UR all invited to a house warming party on the 19th of February. Starts at 7pm but goes all night. Bring your marxist literature.

Sunday, January 30, 2005


Tips on how to make moving a lot like the Abu Ghraib prison for your daughter:

Tell your daughter your stuff will be out by the beginning of January and to have a roommate ready to move in by february. Also mention you'll be taking the stove and the computer and the washing machine, but leaving the oversized microwave and the delapitated fridge.

Leave for England two weeks before you move out and don't leave a number where your daughter can reach you, and don't check your email for important notices from your daughter such as the new room mate will be bringing a cat. Leave a message on the answering machine reminding daughter to find plumber to replace broken toilet. Don't leave money.

Come home and say that your stuff in the end cannot be moved till the end of february for lack of funds for movers to take the big heavy items like the piano, stove, washing machine, and couch. Also mention, that since your stuff cannot be moved till the end of february, the new room mate cannot bring her cat till march (Since you're deathly allergic).

Accept a cheque from your daughter for the sum of 500$ so that stuff can be moved much earlier than three weeks, then repeat to daughter that movers will not be moving any large items out of the apartment (including a large mohogany desk and large Bookshelf in room mates room which prevent room mate from setting up her room in order to have a private place to dwell and sleep) any time soon.

Repeat that room mate may come and live without the cat, but must sleep on the couch due to the fact that your room is still full of your things.

Listen while daughter gathers courage to stand up to you and say that if your stuff isnt out by the end of the week that your things will end up full of cat hair, too bad, the cat is coming, and that eventually your things will be brought to the curb.

As new roommate arrives tell her that the cat cannot come.

Spend Saturday emptying the apartment of kitchen table, most kitchen accessories and other items but leave the room that will be the room mates full of your things such as clothes books and smaller items which can be moved by non-moving professionals. Refuse to let moving helpers (such as daughter) move those smaller items and concentrate on all other items in the house in order to prevent new room mate from settling in properly.

Then tell daughter and room mate that you are generously leaving the washing machine at their new house, but that will of course mean you will be there every few days to do laundry.

Don't return their house key. But leave the dog.

Wednesday, January 26, 2005

Breaking up is hard to do

Hey guys,

WOW there is soooo much to say, that i will start with this:

I didn't want to do it this way, but i have no need for any of you anymore. I have a live in lover, friend, acquaintence, dog walker, cleaner and partyer. So if you thought "wow, i haven't heard from Leah in a while, maybe she doesn't like me anymore or maybe she doesn't need me cause she has a new room mate..." you thought right.

I have discovered the meaning of putting all your eggs in one basket and decided i don't need the hassle of more than one friend and have decided that until i get tired of living with Katie, you're all not on my friends list anymore.

Did you start to believe me for a moment???? OMG, liek i would ever think of ignoring any of the great friends and acquaintences i have met over the years of my life. So stop your silly insecurities or rationalizations of "Well, if she doesnt want to talk to me, i have no need of her anyway", cause the truth is you do need me and I love you all (mostly).

MY MOM IS BACK. To mostly my chagrin.... She's on London time, so she's passed out on the couch while i write this before she pries this wonderful instrument (computer and wireless keyboard) out of my fingers for good.

She didn't flip out like i thought she would. She raised her voice at the mention of long distance calls to Ottawa, and almost went blue at the fact that Katie is bringing her cat, but she didnt notice i threw all her stuff in her room (really Katie's now) and rearranged the area near the washing machine... Of course there is always tomorrow...

Timeline hope to work with: All her shit out by saturday, all of Katies stuff in by saturday and a normal life by sunday.

Timeline God has in store: my mom moves her things when she wants, not till next week sometime and this ordeal is stretched out until i die.

Friday, January 21, 2005

Dear Dezzy

Dear Dezzy,

My boyfriend, Gerald, lives in Ohio and i live in Ontario. We met on and promised to be with each other if we were as much in love the day we met in person as we were when we spoke to each other online. Well, My sister, Annabelle, got married last month so she and her husband could lose their virginity finally. What she doesn't know is that i got super jealous so i had sex with her husband first and now i don't know how to tell Gerald. Should i lie because i love him, or tell him the truth and have him think i am a slut and hate me forever as i live in sin and shame?

30 in Kitchner

Dear Ftk,

Is your sister's husband hot, attractive, does he get you where you need to go? It seems you have someone who is close to you, loves you, and shares your values right nearby. You can avoid the whole messy truth telling with Gerald and live happily ever after getting off with your sister's man. And Gerald is probably a virgin cause he's ugly, not cause he loves you or has "Values". And the only reason to sleep with virgins is cause they are clean of stds, but ask them about Oral sex, some people don't count that as real sex and have oral gonorreah which can ruin your college reputation.



Wednesday, January 19, 2005

The Saga, the Plot Twist, The Toilet

So, you guys know the saga about the Loan the Visa and the Toilet.

I got my loan, i still have an insane overcharge on my Visa, BUT! I finally Got a Brand spanking new Toilet. In fact, in addition to the celebration of my mom moving out, i will be celebrating my new toilet. And you're all invited. I encourage to bring Toilet accessories, and toys and fun. There will be a toilet theme to the party (Date TBA), but of course when is there not?

Turns out there was a comb in my toilet... A comb! So i ask no one to flush any more combs down my toilet.

Desdemona can only do one letter a week, so she claims (i am not sure what else she does) but your voices have been heard and i will post a new letter soon.